Toys do things our bodies just cannot, such as pulse, vibrate, and deliver a variety of stimulating sensations, creating exciting and uniquely pleasurable experiences that can significantly enhance our intimate moments. These novel and diverse sensations have the powerful potential to help many individuals achieve orgasms that are not only more consistent and frequent but also more complex, intense, and satisfying. Furthermore, the vast range of sensations and experiences offered by sex toys plays a crucial role in keeping sexual relationships fresh, varied, interesting, and highly desirable, especially within long-term partnerships where maintaining passion can sometimes be challenging. While the stigma surrounding the use of sex toys is gradually diminishing in many circles, it is still important to recognize that there are individuals who feel hesitant or uncertain about introducing these pleasurable devices into their shared intimate moments with partners, often due to lingering cultural taboos or personal reservations.So, why do we pause when it comes to using sex toys with partners?

The hesitation often stems, at least in part, from persistent societal beliefs and cultural norms that toys are meant exclusively for solo play, while sex is traditionally viewed as an intimate act where two people meet each other's every want and need solely through their bodies alone, explains Fosnight. However, this common assumption fails to recognize or acknowledge the incredible potential and benefits of incorporating toys into a sexual relationship. By introducing toys as a shared experience, couples not only have the opportunity to enhance their physical pleasure but also to deepen and strengthen their emotional connection on multiple levels. The addition of toys can bring a refreshing sense of novelty and adventure, sparking new levels of excitement, curiosity, and exploration within the relationship that might otherwise remain undiscovered. It allows partners to explore a wider range of sensations, fantasies, and possibilities that may not be easily or fully achieved through traditional means alone. Furthermore, toys can help overcome any physical limitations, challenges, or discrepancies in desire that individuals may face, ensuring that both partners are able to fully engage in and enjoy the intimate experience together. By shifting our perspective and embracing the transformative potential of toys, we open ourselves up to a delightful world of possibilities where pleasure and connection can be truly amplified, breaking free from outdated stigmas. So, let go of any lingering hesitations and embrace the empowering idea that toys are not merely for solo play but rather a powerful, enriching tool to elevate the experience of intimacy and pleasure shared between two people.

Marketing toys as sexual fixes or substitutes creates negative views. This makes straight cis men feel threatened by toy use. People worry about judgment, so they stick to social norms instead of trying new things.

Having open and honest conversations about sex toys plays a crucial role in enhancing our sexual experiences. When it comes to discussing our desires, preferences, and introducing new elements to our intimate lives, such as sex toys, communication is key. By embracing these conversations, we not only strengthen the bond with our partners, but we also create an environment of trust and exploration. Having a positive and respectful dialogue about sex toys can lead to a deeper understanding of each other's desires, helping us discover new ways to pleasure and satisfy one another. It's important to approach this topic with curiosity, empathy, and a willingness to listen, ensuring that both partners feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and fantasies. By having the sex toy conversations we want to have, we open up a world of possibilities for better sex and enhanced intimacy.

When it comes to discussing the idea of exploring sex toys with your partner, it's understandable that you may feel a bit apprehensive or uncertain. However, it's important to remember that engaging in open and honest communication about sexual desires and preferences can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying relationship. To help ease any potential discomfort, we reached out to a diverse range of experts, including sex counselors, educators, and toy experts, who graciously shared their invaluable insights with Mashable. These professionals offered several tried-and-true tips and tricks for broaching the subject in a way that promotes understanding, minimizes awkwardness, and ultimately results in a mutually enjoyable exploration of sex toys. By following their advice, you can approach this conversation with confidence and create an atmosphere of trust and intimacy with your partner. So don't let feelings of anxiety hold you back; instead, embrace the opportunity to enhance your sexual experiences and deepen your connection through open communication and a willingness to explore new possibilities together.

Consider the timing

One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to introduce toys to their partners, these experts said, is attempting to just whip them out during sex without any prior communication or consent. Unless you know your partner is not only comfortable with you but also appreciates surprises during intimate moments, Boyajian warns that this approach can leave them feeling not only anxious and pressured but also confused. It's important to remember that everyone has their own boundaries and comfort levels when it comes to exploring their sexuality with toys. By taking the time to have an open and honest conversation about desires and boundaries, couples can create a safe and enjoyable space where toy exploration can be a source of pleasure and connection, rather than tension or conflict. Building trust and understanding with your partner is crucial when it comes to incorporating toys into your sex life, ensuring that both parties feel empowered and respected in their exploration of new avenues of pleasure.

Instead, make time to talk about using toys during sex. It's easier to do this in a new relationship when you're already talking openly about your sexual preferences. Just work toys into those conversations. But keep in mind that discussing sexual preferences can make some people uncomfortable, especially in the early stages of a relationship. Even those who are comfortable may not feel ready to talk specifically about using toys.

And that’s fine. There is no optimal time in a relationship to talk about sex toys. Months or even years down the road, once you’ve started having more open and regular conversations about your sexual wants and needs, you can raise the topic of toys. If you’ve never had a conversation like that, mentioning toys could be a good foothold to open up wider intimate dialogue. If you’re not sure how to start that first conversation, Fosnight recommends framing it as an idea you encountered in an article, in online talk, or during a chat with a friend. Taking inspiration from external sources is a great way to introduce new ideas into your relationship. Whether it's a provocative article or an intriguing conversation with a close friend, using these encounters as a starting point for discussing sex toys can help remove the initial hesitations of broaching the topic. By framing it as something you came across outside of the relationship, you create a more comfortable and less personal atmosphere for discussing the subject. It can serve as a catalyst to open up wider conversations about your desires, preferences, and explore the realm of intimacy together. So, don't be afraid to bring up the topic of sex toys, as it might just be the key that unlocks a whole new level of understanding and pleasure in your relationship.

Don't criticize or apologize

No matter when or how you start the conversation, it is important to approach the topic of toys with sensitivity and understanding. It is advisable to avoid connecting your interest in toys to any explicit critique or frustration with the current state of your sexual experiences. By doing so, you can avoid triggering potential underlying insecurities that your partner may have, creating a safer and more open space for discussion. Remember, embracing and exploring new experiences together can enhance intimacy and bring you closer as a couple. Communication is key, and by approaching the subject with respect and empathy, you can foster a healthy and supportive environment for both you and your partner.

Don’t apologize or shy away from your own desires either, as that’s a good way to build up anxiety and stress on one or both sides of the conversation. Instead, try “coming from a place of exploration,” Boyajian suggests, in which sex toys are one of many exciting things you can try together to see what you can add to your sex life, to bring you both new and great experiences. “Most of us want our partners to have pleasure during sex, and will be willing to seek higher forms of pleasure together,” Leigh notes.

It's important not to force the idea; allow it to develop naturally and flow in its own time.

Be truly open to the idea of exploration

If your partner is interested in exploring the potential of toys, try not to dictate what that will look like — the toys you’re going to use together and how you’re going to use them. Instead, keep talking, in that first conversation and later on, about the kinds of sensations you both enjoy or are interested in exploring and how you could see toys playing into the sex you already have. Encourage each other to think outside the box of genital stimulation. Talk about the way your ideas overlap or differ. From that place of understanding, you can start to dive more fully into toys.

You or your partner might already own one or more toys that you enjoy individually and are eager to explore together. In such cases, Fosnight suggests that the partner who has the toy introduce it into your shared experience at a mutually agreed time. They can begin by demonstrating how they use it on themselves, then gently guide their partner—either verbally or through touch—to participate, or discuss together how to incorporate the toy into your shared intimacy.

You may also want to explore all-new toys together, taking time to discover something that truly fits your unique dynamic as a duo. Boyajian recommends turning toy research and shopping into a shared couple’s activity, viewing it as a wonderful opportunity to build intimacy, deepen connection, and create mutual excitement and anticipation. However, Leigh cautions against the common pitfall of limiting your exploration to only those toys marketed exclusively for couples. There are many options available (some backed by sexual health experts), yet she emphasizes that these products “aren’t in any way guaranteed to work better for couples than any other toys,” reminding us that the best choice is always the one that resonates personally with both partners.

In fact, many toys are designed based on presumptions about their users’ anatomies, often attempting to stimulate both parties simultaneously. However, the same type of stimulation rarely works effectively for two people at once, as personal preferences and responses can vary widely. Interestingly, many individuals actually find greater pleasure in using a toy on their partners, enjoying the intimate experience of watching their partner explore with a toy, or engaging in mutual masturbation with two different toys. These experiences often feel more authentic and satisfying than the limited two-party stimulations commonly available on the market.Be safe...

Leigh, an expert, says any toy can become a fun couple’s toy, no matter its original use. With so many options, choosing can feel hard. Don't rush—take time to explore together. Read reviews, ask friends and experts for advice. When you buy, enjoy finding new, exciting ways to use the toy in your intimate moments.

We have published a variety of helpful guides on how couples can explore and enjoy different types of toys together. It's important to always prioritize safety by avoiding improper use of toys and ensuring you use an adequate amount of safe, high-quality lubrication. Remember, the most important thing is that you get to decide what feels good and comfortable for you both!

And have fun with it

“Be willing to laugh at the toy and yourself," Skyler adds, because sometimes, inevitably, your experiments will not work out as planned. That can be frustrating, especially since quality toys certainly aren’t cheap. However, you can find excellent guides online that recommend functional, body-safe toys designed to enhance your experience. These resources will help you engage in expansive, playful rounds of exploration with a partner — all while being mindful of your budget and avoiding unnecessary expenses.

Even when plans change, it's part of your shared journey and can bring you closer.

Follow these simple yet effective steps for toy-enhanced partnered sex to elevate your shared experience and deepen your connection. That’s it!

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